Every once in a while, cleaning doesn't totally suck. For example, today I was sorting through a bag of mostly garbage I've hauled around with me through every move since college. And I came across a fun little memory of my days as co-editor of the Joliet Junior College newspaper, the Blazer: a page of horoscopes I wrote out of boredom, inspired in part I'm sure by the Weird Al song of silly horoscopes that appears on his Running With Scissors album.
And if any of these come true, I still don't want to be one of those creepy pre-cogs if the future is Minority Report... just sayin'.
Aries
Don't listen to your friends. The albino gymnast you met last week is perfect for you.
Taurus
You should really consider challenging the world record for longest toenails.
Gemini
Give in to the urge to shave your eyebrows. What can it hurt?
Cancer
Now would be a great time to try squid-flavored llama cheese.
Leo
No matter how bad life is, it can always get worse. Remember that when you're getting chased by a rabid wildebeest this week.
Virgo
Avoid contact with any solids, liquids or gases til allergy season is over.
Libra
By this time tomorrow, you will know for certian that the boogieman is real.
Scorpio
Start a new trend by accenting every outfit with a big yellow snorkel.
Sagittarius
Your lifelong dream of spontaneously combusting is about to come true.
Capricorn
Spend the rest of the week pretending to be a dinosaur. If anyone questions you, explain that you're conducting a sociology experiment.
Aquarius
A mysterious illness will overtake you, and the only way to cure it is by bathing precisely 53 times a day for the next year.
Pisces
The next time you climb up to a precarious perch to reach something on the top shelf, you will cause an avalanche resulting in the birth of a new species on the planet Jupiter.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
We Are Family!
This year, two of the best new shows from network TV have one thing in common: Family. At a time when gimmicks (vampires, anyone?), teen dramas, reality shows, and crime procedurals seem to rule the airwaves, a family sitcom and a family drama have risen to the top and deserve your attention.
First up, we have Modern Family, a traditional half-hour sitcom that mostly avoids cliched story lines in favor of believable, diverse characters and realistic plot lines. Shot in the now-familiar documentary style popularized by The Office (though less reliant on the format than Parks and Recreation), we're introduced to three families. Cameron and Mitchell are a gay couple who have just adopted a Vietnamese baby named Lily. Fifty-something Jay is adjusting to life with his new wife, the younger (and hotter) Gloria, and her 10-year-old son Manny, both from Colombia. Claire and Phil have their hands full with three kids: Haley, the pretty but dim 16-year-old, Alex, the studious and wise-cracking 13-year-old, and Luke, the possibly ADHD 7-year-old. By the end of the first pilot, we learn that all three of these families are related to each other--Jay is the patriarch, and Mitchell and Claire are his grown kids.
The show really captures the complexities and awkwardness and frustration and hilarity of family life, and the actors (many of whom could call this show their breakout role) seem perfectly cast and have real chemistry together. Watch episodes for free online at ABC's website.
Parenthood has only been on the air for a month or so, but already has the makings of must-see TV. This show got promoted as a quirky comedy, but in actuality its humorous moments are just one dimension of the hour-long drama. The best thing about Parenthood is easily the cast. Peter Krause, Monica Potter, Erika Christensen, Dax Shepherd, Craig T. Nelson, Lauren Graham, and other lesser-known but equally talented individuals populate this smart show that tackles the challenges of parenting without being preachy or trite.
This is not the stuff of after school specials--it's real and engaging and honest. Similar to Modern Family, the show is about several smaller families that form one big extended family. One family learns their son may have Aspergers and must figure out what that means and how to deal with it. A single mom is trying to rebuild her life and support her teenage son and daughter by moving in with the grandparents and searching for a new job. The bachelor of the family might be ready to settle down and have a child with his girlfriend, but the news that he has a son from a fling that happened five years ago could change that. A working mom struggles to find time for her husband and young daughter, while trying to maintain a successful career as an attorney. If these scenarios feel familiar and relatable, that's because they are.
Another aspect of this show that stands out: the soundtrack. I suspected we were in for excellent music from the opening credits, which feature Bob Dylan's rendition of Forever Young as real photos of the cast members in their younger days float across the screen. In just the first few of episodes, we got music from Andrew Bird, Wilco, Avett Brothers, Loudon Wainwright III, Grizzly Bear, Eels, Talking Heads, and Devendra Banhart. Whoever's choosing the songs has excellent taste, and pivotal scenes in the show are made even more memorable and touching by the music scoring them.
Watch episodes of Parenthood at NBC's website.
First up, we have Modern Family, a traditional half-hour sitcom that mostly avoids cliched story lines in favor of believable, diverse characters and realistic plot lines. Shot in the now-familiar documentary style popularized by The Office (though less reliant on the format than Parks and Recreation), we're introduced to three families. Cameron and Mitchell are a gay couple who have just adopted a Vietnamese baby named Lily. Fifty-something Jay is adjusting to life with his new wife, the younger (and hotter) Gloria, and her 10-year-old son Manny, both from Colombia. Claire and Phil have their hands full with three kids: Haley, the pretty but dim 16-year-old, Alex, the studious and wise-cracking 13-year-old, and Luke, the possibly ADHD 7-year-old. By the end of the first pilot, we learn that all three of these families are related to each other--Jay is the patriarch, and Mitchell and Claire are his grown kids.
The show really captures the complexities and awkwardness and frustration and hilarity of family life, and the actors (many of whom could call this show their breakout role) seem perfectly cast and have real chemistry together. Watch episodes for free online at ABC's website.
Parenthood has only been on the air for a month or so, but already has the makings of must-see TV. This show got promoted as a quirky comedy, but in actuality its humorous moments are just one dimension of the hour-long drama. The best thing about Parenthood is easily the cast. Peter Krause, Monica Potter, Erika Christensen, Dax Shepherd, Craig T. Nelson, Lauren Graham, and other lesser-known but equally talented individuals populate this smart show that tackles the challenges of parenting without being preachy or trite.
This is not the stuff of after school specials--it's real and engaging and honest. Similar to Modern Family, the show is about several smaller families that form one big extended family. One family learns their son may have Aspergers and must figure out what that means and how to deal with it. A single mom is trying to rebuild her life and support her teenage son and daughter by moving in with the grandparents and searching for a new job. The bachelor of the family might be ready to settle down and have a child with his girlfriend, but the news that he has a son from a fling that happened five years ago could change that. A working mom struggles to find time for her husband and young daughter, while trying to maintain a successful career as an attorney. If these scenarios feel familiar and relatable, that's because they are.
Another aspect of this show that stands out: the soundtrack. I suspected we were in for excellent music from the opening credits, which feature Bob Dylan's rendition of Forever Young as real photos of the cast members in their younger days float across the screen. In just the first few of episodes, we got music from Andrew Bird, Wilco, Avett Brothers, Loudon Wainwright III, Grizzly Bear, Eels, Talking Heads, and Devendra Banhart. Whoever's choosing the songs has excellent taste, and pivotal scenes in the show are made even more memorable and touching by the music scoring them.
Watch episodes of Parenthood at NBC's website.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Joaq like an Egyptian
Rumors have started to surface that Joaquin Phoenix may be done with his Osama bin Laden facial hair and K-Fed-level music career. I sure hope so. Because before he stumbled around on late night talk shows uttering monosyllabic responses, he made some pretty awesome movies. Here are my favorites:
Walk the Line
Portraying Johnny Cash would intimidate even the best actors. After all, the Man in Black means so much to so many, and is well-remembered for both his music and his image. But Joaquin Phoenix tackled the role fearlessly, even doing his own singing. He managed to capture both the swagger and the despair of country music's biggest legend, earning his second Oscar nomination. If you haven't seen the film, let this trailer give you a taste.
Clay Pigeons
This quirky, mesmerizing thriller could easily be mistaken for a Coen brothers movie with its rural Montana setting and its dark humor. Here, Joaquin is Clay, a young man who inadvertently becomes embroiled in a criminal investigation when the bodies begin to pile up around him. Vince Vaughn and Janeane Garofolo inject charisma and a wee bit of satire into their supporting characters. The trailer does not appear to be on YouTube, but if you don't mind potential spoilers, check out this clip and then get this movie from Netflix or your favorite local video store.
Inventing the Abbotts
Good romantic dramas seem few and far between these days, but this 1997 movie exceeds the boundaries of its sometimes limiting genre. Set in the 1950s, the movie follows brothers (played by Billy Crudup and Joaquin) from the "wrong side of the tracks" in their pursuit of the glamourous Abbott sisters (played by, among others, Liv Tyler and Jennifer Connelly). The actors play their roles without irony, portraying the joys and heartbreaks of first love and sibling rivalry and class struggles. There's something beautiful and innocent about this film, and while it may not make any groundbreaking advances in plot, its certainly worth watching. Check out the trailer here.
To Die For
Gus Van Sant strikes all the right notes in this hysterical/tragic story of a woman (Nicole Kidman at her very best) so obsessed with fulfilling her dream of becoming a famous TV anchor that she will kill for it (or get other people to kill for her). Joaquin Phoenix here plays an awkward high school student who falls prey to her schemes and seduction, talking his friends (one of whom is played by Casey Affleck) into helping him. Here's a trailer to whet your appetite for this scintillating, memorable movie.
Gladiator
Russell Crowe gets top billing in this historical epic, but Joaquin Phoenix has the juicier role as the villainous Commodus. "It vexes me. I am terribly vexed," whines the blood-thirsty emperor when the gladiator seems to garner more applause and adulation than he does. The role earned Joaquin his first Oscar nomination, and remains one of his most memorable performances. If you have never seen this incredible film, I urge you to seek it out immediately. In the meantime, this trailer should be compelling evidence of the movie's greatness.
Walk the Line
Portraying Johnny Cash would intimidate even the best actors. After all, the Man in Black means so much to so many, and is well-remembered for both his music and his image. But Joaquin Phoenix tackled the role fearlessly, even doing his own singing. He managed to capture both the swagger and the despair of country music's biggest legend, earning his second Oscar nomination. If you haven't seen the film, let this trailer give you a taste.
Clay Pigeons
This quirky, mesmerizing thriller could easily be mistaken for a Coen brothers movie with its rural Montana setting and its dark humor. Here, Joaquin is Clay, a young man who inadvertently becomes embroiled in a criminal investigation when the bodies begin to pile up around him. Vince Vaughn and Janeane Garofolo inject charisma and a wee bit of satire into their supporting characters. The trailer does not appear to be on YouTube, but if you don't mind potential spoilers, check out this clip and then get this movie from Netflix or your favorite local video store.
Inventing the Abbotts
Good romantic dramas seem few and far between these days, but this 1997 movie exceeds the boundaries of its sometimes limiting genre. Set in the 1950s, the movie follows brothers (played by Billy Crudup and Joaquin) from the "wrong side of the tracks" in their pursuit of the glamourous Abbott sisters (played by, among others, Liv Tyler and Jennifer Connelly). The actors play their roles without irony, portraying the joys and heartbreaks of first love and sibling rivalry and class struggles. There's something beautiful and innocent about this film, and while it may not make any groundbreaking advances in plot, its certainly worth watching. Check out the trailer here.
To Die For
Gus Van Sant strikes all the right notes in this hysterical/tragic story of a woman (Nicole Kidman at her very best) so obsessed with fulfilling her dream of becoming a famous TV anchor that she will kill for it (or get other people to kill for her). Joaquin Phoenix here plays an awkward high school student who falls prey to her schemes and seduction, talking his friends (one of whom is played by Casey Affleck) into helping him. Here's a trailer to whet your appetite for this scintillating, memorable movie.
Gladiator
Russell Crowe gets top billing in this historical epic, but Joaquin Phoenix has the juicier role as the villainous Commodus. "It vexes me. I am terribly vexed," whines the blood-thirsty emperor when the gladiator seems to garner more applause and adulation than he does. The role earned Joaquin his first Oscar nomination, and remains one of his most memorable performances. If you have never seen this incredible film, I urge you to seek it out immediately. In the meantime, this trailer should be compelling evidence of the movie's greatness.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I'm in love with that song.
About ten minutes ago, I learned that Alex Chilton died today. And while he might not be known and mourned by the same number of people as Heath Ledger or Brittany Murphy or Michael Jackson, he means just as much to the people who do know who he is.
From the Box Tops memorable hit "The Letter," to Big Star's underdog anthems "Thirteen," "The Ballad of El Goodo," and simple but gorgeous "I'm In Love With A Girl," Alex Chilton's indelible voice spanned generations and will continue to do so for those lucky enough to discover him. His influence can be heard in underground favorites The Replacements (who wrote a whole song about him), R.E.M., Pavement, Teenage Fanclub and anyone who tries to sound like those bands. He paved the way for the likes of Elliott Smith and even Bright Eyes, because he proved that pop songs can be sad and honest and still be enjoyable.
His music has played in the background during pivotal scenes in movies, has been covered by a great many musicians, and will continue to be a soundtrack to adolescents and sentimental grown ups for years to come.
And now, to close, a fitting verse from Big Star's "Take Care":
From the Box Tops memorable hit "The Letter," to Big Star's underdog anthems "Thirteen," "The Ballad of El Goodo," and simple but gorgeous "I'm In Love With A Girl," Alex Chilton's indelible voice spanned generations and will continue to do so for those lucky enough to discover him. His influence can be heard in underground favorites The Replacements (who wrote a whole song about him), R.E.M., Pavement, Teenage Fanclub and anyone who tries to sound like those bands. He paved the way for the likes of Elliott Smith and even Bright Eyes, because he proved that pop songs can be sad and honest and still be enjoyable.
His music has played in the background during pivotal scenes in movies, has been covered by a great many musicians, and will continue to be a soundtrack to adolescents and sentimental grown ups for years to come.
And now, to close, a fitting verse from Big Star's "Take Care":
But if your eyes are wide
And all words aside
Take care, please, take care
This sounds a bit like goodbye
In a way it is I guess
As I leave your side
I've taken the air
Take care, please, take care.
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